Josie (8)

Thursday, November 18 (Continued)
11:31 p.m.

We talked again tonight. Again, for at least two hours. You asked me out! This in reaction to me having told you the previous night that I would not initiate any more dates, partly because I was pissed off about not connecting with you on Tuesday night.

The conversation turned to sex again...I think I like being friends with you. Tomorrow, the plan is to take-out Thai food to your place, a walk and then to rent a movie. Yes!

November 19 (Friday)

We went out to the Rowing Club on Harbord Street because you were unsure about having me over at your place. A hopeful sign if ever I saw one.

You are continuing to read "Very Far Away." You say the main character in the book is falling for this girl: He likes her music even though he doesn't understand it. I smile on the inside, drawing my own twisted parallels.

You seemed sad to me this evening, as you seemed sad at Nevada on that first date. Perhaps you're reliving old pains, perhaps I'm walking on the edges of scars which have yet to heal.

Without a destination we ended up driving. You felt you were not being a good date; I felt I wasn't showing you a good enough time. You almost cried in telling me that you were sorry if you weren't a very good date. At that moment, heading east on College Street, I, without thinking, consoled you by stroking the underside of your chin. I suppose I was trying to tell you to keep your chin up. You continued to be sad.

You said, at some point in the evening, that I had "slightly rabbity teeth, kind of cute." And then you proceeded to show me your vampire-like incisors. I can't remember the last time a woman showed me her incisors. Floss anyone?

We ended up parked at the lake's shore in the east end. You were, you said, still sad but didn't (still didn't) want to discuss it. It had nothing to do with me. I believed this and still do; I even understand not wanting to talk about something right away. Then, at 9:30 p.m., or so, you say you are tired and want to go home. I drive you home in virtual silence. Hurt, disappointed, wondering if you were disappointed in me and a little angry. I dropped you off and was myself sad on the drive home.

November 20 (Saturday)

You had forgotten your wallet in my car the previous night and this, thank God, absolutely had to be returned. We talked about why I was angry, etc., etc. We talked about what was making you sad. That I felt shut out by your saying you wanted to go home. (Next time you feel like crying, I want you to cry on my shoulder).