Know Thy Self

I believe, at forty-seven, I have finally arrived at a place where I am comfortable to be Me.

I know that this is a bold statement, but I have always suffered, like most people I believe, from a certain amount of anxiety around how I was presenting myself and was being perceived.  I've always worried and thus spent a lot of energy pulling my punches around others.  I no longer feel the need to do this anymore.  It's incredibly freeing; a whole new perspective on my life.

I know that many people in the world come, through various circumstances, to have this same sense of self very early on comparatively.  I have come to this place of comfort now.

Gnôthi seauton -- The Greek maxim often meditated on my poets and philosophers, puts it very succinctly -- Know Thyself!  I don't claim to have reached this point and I hope I am never arrogant enough to claim this.  No, this feeling --  sense of comfort -- I feel is different: It is a form of feeling grounded, a sense of living in the present fully, with no thought of worrying.

Except in the many instances when I am careful about treading lightly in order to avoid hurting peoples feelings or for the sake of simple human politics to achieve a greater goal; only then, do I now feel the urge to hold back my opinion or choose to simply say nothing.

Derek Walcott's poem, "Love After Love," which I placed in my wedding program thirteen years ago and have hung on the wall of my bedroom since, speaks about ones love for self:

The time will come when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

It is by no means complete: this process.  But it feels like I have reached a plateau.  I have arrived.  I have finally found a comfortable seat and am ready to feast.

Alanis Morissette's song, " " comes to mind.  Here are the last three stanzas from that song:

the moment I let go of it was the moment
I got more than I could handle
the moment I jumped off of it
was the moment I touched down

how bout no longer being masochistic
how bout remembering your divinity
how bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out
how bout not equating death with stopping

thank you india
thank you providence
thank you disillusionment
thank you nothingness
thank you clarity
thank you thank you silence

One of the Minarets at the Taj Mahal

The Taj makes everyone's pictures look good. I took this pic on my last/first trip to India.




Click on the pic for an enlarged view.
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Location:Agra, India

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Tarah Update and Other Stuff

Tarah Update: Juvenile polyps (the kind Tarah had) are usually benign. We won't know for sure until lab work is completed. It is not uncommon for kids to have a single polyp as Tarah did. Thanks to all for your concern and good wishes. Tarah returned to school on Wednesday and is doing great!

Smoking Cessation: I am on day 38 (I think). Which is a good sign,  that I am no longer counting.

Surrey Place Centre: Love working at Surrey Place...the atmosphere is adult and professional. Managed to snag an office of my own thanks to my manager for pushing for me. I have made it home and have had many jealous visitors come by. Plan on having an office warming party with delicate little finger foods that require lobster forks to eat and ginger ale in plastic wine glasses from the dollar store. Classy, no?




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Tarah's Scopes at Sick Kids

Tarah's long awaited appointment for a colonoscopy and a endoscopy was today. She has been great for preparatory part of the scopes. It involves drinking a strong laxative with no food for over 24 hours. We arrived at the hospital at 8 a.m. And spent most of the entertaining ourselves with walks, drinking lots of fluids, walking around the hospital and sharing quality time in the toilet. Tarah went into the procedure room (the operating theatre, if you're Indian) at 3:45 p.m. Assuming that I wouldn't be needed immediately, I went downstairs for a cup of coffee only to be called back to the fourth floor to talk to one of the doctors in the procedure room. It turns out that Tarah has a large polyp in her colon and the good doctor wanted my permission to cut the damn thing out (polypectomy). Yes, I say, yes. Cut the fucker out! I am writing now to pass the time and let my two loyal readers updated. The polyp they found was large (a little smaller than a golf ball). So, polyp removed, biopsy done and am now waiting for Tarah to come out of her sleep.

Bananas and Monkeys

Start with a cage containing five monkeys.

Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water.

After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result - all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.

Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him.

After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm! Likewise, replace a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked.

Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.

After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana. Why not? Because as far as they know that's the way it's always been done round here.

And that, my friends, is how company policies are made.

Source of article: and here's an interesting link