Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Shakespeare's Sonnet 138

When my love swears that she is made of truth
I do believe her, though I know she lies,
That she might think me some untutor'd youth,
Unlearned in the world's false subtleties.
Thus vainly thinking that she thinks me young,
Although she knows my days are past the best,
Simply I credit her false speaking tongue:
On both sides thus is simple truth suppress'd.
But wherefore says she not she is unjust?
And wherefore say not I that I am old?
O, love's best habit is in seeming trust,
And age in love loves not to have years told:
Therefore I lie with her and she with me,
And in our faults by lies we flatter'd be.


Sunday, October 14, 2012

Road Trip: The Hip in Cleveland

North America is uniquely qualified by the presence of a network of super highways; road side amenities; a paucity of brigands and police road blocks; lack of civil unrest and potholes, to make a road trip the kind of journey which can be anticipated devoid of anxiety. In fact, I look forward to road trips as leaps into open-sky-freedom with my moods and whims and bodily functions as my only guides to reaching the destination.

The idea of the journey as destination also has it's place here: As, if I may quote myself, "The trip starts the minute I step out the front door." Or, "Anything that happens from now is part of the journey." I usually utter something like this in order to help my travelling companions take the vagaries of travel in stride. To put it another way: delays in take off, confusion at the ticket counter, forgetting to pack some necessary item, bumper-to-bumper traffic, must all be viewed as part of the adventure of travelling. In fact, to some extent, I am happier if some bit of adversity challenges me in reaching my destination. The idea that I will have to improvise, finagle, do an end run on some challenge makes the trip all the more memorable for me.

As an aside, and there seem to be a lot of those in this post, I have come upon a list which recalls many of the most famous literary road trips undertaken in America. You can find this list (which includes Kerouac, Twain and Steinbeck) on the Smithsonian Magazine's website.

My last trip to the Bahamas (find a second post here) and to Florida (find posts here, here and here)threw up just the kind of curve balls that cause these trips to stick to the otherwise teflon coated slopes of my memory.

My road trip this year consists of a five-and-a-half hour drive to Cleveland, Ohio. A city which was once tagged by media outlets as the "mistake on the lake." In recent years, C-Town has seen a re-invigoration of it's downtown core with the establishment of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, the Cleveland Browns Stadium, the Great Lakes Science Centre, improvement of the school system, general economic revitalization of the inner city neighbourhoods and the emergence of the Cleveland Art Museum as a leading centre for the arts in the United States among others. In fact, Cleveland, once a part of the rust belt, was hailed in 2005 by The Economist as one of the most livable cities in America. In 1999, Cleveland was recognized as an emerging global city.

The chief reason for my trip to the home of the Cleveland Browns is to see The Tragically Hip. Seeing the The Hip in Canada can usually set you back about a $100 bucks and you have to share them with 50,000 of your closest friends. But when you attend a Hip concert in the States, you have the opportunity of seeing Gord and friends up close AND for virtually a quarter of the the price. My wife and I went to Cleveland one year, before the kids came along, and saw them at a club which had room for about 500 people. It was an exhilarating and memorable experience.

And so, on November 2nd, I plan on pointing the car westward and enjoying a short ride on the open road, arriving in Cleveland in the afternoon and then making my way to the House of Blues in the evening to dance for a few hours with fellow Canadians and some Americans to the beat of some classic Hip songs and some new ones from their recently released Album. And that must be the longest sentence I have ever written!
For the second day, the plan is to go back downtown, take in the flavour of the city with a walking tour and visit the Cleveland Art Museum. And, as a seredipitous bonus, the museum will be opening it's doors for the first time for an exhibit of the works of William Johnson. I have always admired Johnson's work for it's vibrant colours, simplicity of presentation and the sometimes sweet and sometimes saddening subject of his paintings. In fact, the art work shown with this post (Little Sweet) is one I have up on a wall in my house.
Johnson (1901 - 1970) has been described as a "pivotal figure in modern American art. A virtuoso skilled in various media and techniques, (who) produced thousands of works over a career that spanned decades, continents, and genres."

The third day of the trip, November 4th, consists of a ride back towards Toronto, with a stop over at the outlet mall in Niagara Falls, NY, to visit the JCrew, Gap and Burberry stores. I will post along the road, so stay tuned and....thanks for reading.

Monday, October 08, 2012

How to Bounce Back

I've lifted the following article from Bobbi Emel's blog -- thebounceblog. Emel is a psychotherapist whose self-asserted passion is to "help readers bounce back from life's challenges - the big ones as well as the little ones that trip you up on a daily basis.

Spread from EMILY LOVES TO BOUNCE by Stephen Michael King
Want to bounce back better and faster when life hits you with unexpected surprises?

Here’s a quick list of some of the most useful tips to get back on your feet.

1. Acknowledge what is in front of you. If you’re in the middle of a bad situation, it’s time to really see what is happening. You must be completely honest with yourself – no more denial or wishful thinking that it will get better. Strip away the intense emotion from it, identify the problem, and accept that it is reality.

2. Realize that change is always going to be in your life.

You struggle against change. You waste a lot of energy making sure that things stay the same in your life. Save your energy for better things and accept that change truly is a normal part of life. Expect it.

3. Learn to be an optimist.

Optimism and pessimism are ways you explain why things happen to you. Being optimistic allows you to bounce back because it helps you focus on the positive and not predict the negative. The web is full of great articles on how to be an optimist instead of a pessimist. Go check it out.

4. Be nice to yourself.

Here are the three keys to self-compassion proposed by researcher Kristin Neff: a.) Stop your inner criticism. Treat yourself as you would your best friend, b.) Everyone has flaws. Everyone. Remember that you’re a part of the human race so you’re bound to make mistakes, and, c.) Practice mindfulness by noticing your thoughts and feelings, but have no judgment about them.

5. Let it go.

Grasping tightly to a belief, behavior, or material object only drains your energy and narrows your focus onto that object. In order to be resilient, you need flexibility and openness to options and opportunities.

6. Have a tribe.

It’s vital to have friends and family who can rally around you in an emergency. Make sure you have a good, stable tribe at your disposal.

7. Look for the silver lining.

Always look for the lessons and gifts that are inherent in adversity. Maybe you’ll learn that you’re stronger than you thought. Maybe you’ll find out how many people really care about you. The silver lining is there if you look for it.

8. Develop post-traumatic growth.

When faced with trauma, a small number of people develop Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, the majority of people bounce back naturally after a month or so, and the remaining people actually grow and benefit from the experience. How? The basics are being optimistic and looking for the lessons in their lives. Give it a try.

9. Find a mentor.

Researcher about childhood resilience shows that the presence of even one caring adult in a child’s life can make all the difference. It can for you, too. Find someone you admire and trust and use them for guidance and loving support.

10. Look at problems from different angles.

Although the crisis in front of you may look dire, ask yourself if there is another way to look at it. Might it actually open up opportunities for you? Are you magnifying it unnecessarily?

11. Remember that you’ve made it through tough times before.

Unless you’ve led a charmed life, you’ve been through difficult situations in your past. And you’re still here to talk about it, so have faith that you’ll make it through again.

12. Think about kaleidoscopes.

When you look through a kaleidoscope, you see a beautiful pattern. It’s so pretty, you may not want to change it. But, eventually, you have to turn the dial. Suddenly there is a chaotic jumble in front of your eyes but then, magically, another beautiful pattern emerges. Life can be like this, too. So remember when things are jumbled in your life that they may be actually forming a brand new, beautiful image.

13. Take a break.

It’s important to refresh both your body and mind so take a break now and then. And remember that it’s okay to distract yourself from mental and emotional experiences like grief and rumination, too. You could use a break. Go do something fun. Really, it’s okay.

14. Remember that you already are resilient.

As mentioned in #8 above, most people are naturally resilient and you are probably one of them. Just because you struggle for a bit doesn’t mean you’re not resilient. It means you’re human.

15. Common humanity.

Remember that you are a part of the human species and therefore quite likely to have some flaws and make mistakes. But everyone does. You are not alone in your experience of struggling with external or internal adversity.

16. No one said you have to like it.

You know what? Sometimes things really do suck. So, just because you need to be resilient doesn’t mean you have to like the situation you’re in. You can be accepting, open, and flexible while at the same time acknowledging that the problem sucks.

17. Look up.

Do you find that you keep your eyes to the ground a lot? Do something different – look up! You might see something you’ve never seen before. And looking up helps provide that distraction that we talked about in #13 as you notice the color of the sky, that cool piece of architecture, or the intricate spider web design in the corner of the room.

18. Simply notice.

Feeling bad? Okay, but you don’t have to buy into your emotions. Just notice them. And withhold judgment about them or yourself.

19. Be kind.

Commit random acts of kindness. Helping others creates positive emotions in you which then expands your sense of possibilities in the world - the idea that there is more than one way to get through your current crisis. Problem-solving a situation becomes much easier and you’ll find that positive emotions help exponentially with your ability to bounce back."