Josie (4)

November 14 (12:09 a.m.)

Just returned from going out with you to Casa Mendoza and then for hot chocolate at your place.

We talked about all kinds of things and then settled for much too long on God. Damn him! You called me a "heathen" in jest. I said you're a "chicken." And you admitted as much!

I tried my level best to stick to my guns on this God question. You believe in prayer and I think it's a placebo -- a good placebo, but a placebo nevertheless.

Novermber 14 (4 p.m.)

I called you last night after coming home. You said, you would have called me ten minutes later if I had not given you a ring. I read to you my entry for November 11th and shocked you. You repeat your now consistent position that you can only offer me your friendship. I cried when we hung up. Then, reconsolidated and thought: I can handle that, Josie as a good friend.

I tell myself that I'll tell you, should you call today -- which I only half expect -- that I really don't think of you in a sexual sense. Strange, but completely true. I don't know how or why but I don't. I think you're good looking, but I don't fantasize or gulp when I'm around you. Which makes me think, perhaps fallaciously, that we can be friends.

I've even thought that I might be able to think of you as a sister. You say, you don't want to lose me as a friend....nor I, you. And no, I don't want to close any doors for now; so let's be friends and see if anything develops.