Last year, on a rainy weekday afternoon, I stood outside one of the Centre for Addictions and Mental Health's (CAMH) buildings having a smoke with the father of one of my clients. The client was an in-patient and I had just completed a visit along with his father.
As we stood under an overhanging bit of cement to avoid the rain; at the side of the building and far from any doors or windows, a young lady, dressed in nurse's garb, approached us and informed us that CAMH was a smoke-free facility and that included the side of the building, in the laneway leading to an underground garage.
I thanked the 20-something nurse and instead of moving on she decided to stand 5 feet in front of us and told us, "You need to put your cigarette out or leave the property." Words were exchanged and she asked where I worked and I asked her if she was with the CIA or was even a security guard? I tried pretending to ignore her and looked back towards her (still five feet from us) and looked startled to see her. "Are you still here?" I said. She told us the all important smoking rule. At some point I ignored her. The father of my client simply stood smoking his cigarette with not a word said.
Eventually, both of us smokers stomped out our cigarettes and the nurse-enforcer moved on with more choice words. She ostensibly left to go to call a security guard.
That was then, a few weeks ago I drove down to Kensington Market to have some grilled cheese sandwiches with the kids. We found a parking spot right in front of The Grilled Cheese! It was, unfortunately, a little tight. Nevertheless, I tried to sneak my Nissan Versa into the spot...misjudged my distances and ended up bumping the car in front of us.
As soon as I bumped the Corolla in front of me, a man in a mini van one car length ahead of me lowered his window and craned his neck out and looked back at our car. The kids started chattering all at once and I was a little embarrassed and wondering what to do next. In the 30 seconds after the initial bump, a lady appeared at the front of my car, near the Corolla I had hit. She had exited from the mini van which was now parked on the opposite side of the road on the curb. She began to harangue me: "Are you going to leave a note? You hit this car, you know?"
"Yes I know, I'm in the car!" I say.
Nevertheless, she continued, "Are you going to leave this person a note?"
At this point, I fully rolled my window down, with my kids trying to disappear into their seats, I ask, "Yes, I'm going to leave a note...is there any reason why you're assuming I won't leave a note?"
"Well I hope if someone hit my car someone would do the same for me!"
"Do you own this car? And why are you assuming I won't leave a note?" I ask
She repeats, "You should leave a note for them!"
"Is there a reason you think I won't do the right thing?" At which point she walks away looking exasperated.
I pulled my car out of the spot. Parked across the street halfway on the curb and start writing a note for the absent owner of the Corolla with my name and phone number and stick the note under the Corolla's wipers.
So...what was the reason for this haridan's harangue? Why was she so concerned with the absent owner's well being and not that of my car or my kids? Why was she not trying to help me to get out of the tight squeeze I'd gotten myself into and instead chose to try to publicly shame me?
As to the anti-smoking zealot: Do you know this woman? She usually carries a re-usable mug for her Starbucks coffee. She drinks chai tea, likely with a squeeze of Yak's milk or something equally esoteric and "all-natural" and, of course, "organic". If ostriches could give milk she would be on this next. She does not know that Chai is Tea. The irony of ordering chai-tea or tea-tea is lost on her. She wears a Columbia or MEC jacket and goes to the salon to have her hair highlighted every 5-6 weeks and thinks it is fair trade to pay at least $100 for the service. At lunch time she will eat pistachios and a leafy green salad with sunflower seeds sprinkled on top and the latest brand-name Greek yogurt on the side. She definitely rides her $800 bike to work everyday and insists on bringing it into the building to keep it from getting stolen. Her glasses are name brand and funky and cost almost as much as the bike.
She grew up in a well-to-do family in a large house. She is well educated and dedicates herself to her work with a single-minded intensity; lest someone should accuse her of not being genuinely dedicated to the betterment of mankind. She may even be union steward, which only helps to buttress her belief in herself as all-good.
Who, really, was this 20-something woman? How did she come to the place in her life where she feels it is within her ambit to tell a close to 50 year old and a 70 year old where to stand and how to do it? Where was her fear of getting clobbered? How can she feel so entitled and self-righteous that she is willing to, with no immediate effect, to stare down a couple of old guys for a full 5-7 minutes?
One possibility for the behaviour exhibited is an assumption on the part of people to a natural superiority over others based on the assumed status, sometimes economic (they look poor, dress poor, they're white, they're white trash), sometimes racial (they don't know any better, they're black, brown, etc. therefore need to be told how things should be or they are naturally criminal and we are not).
Another possibility is a the Dunning-Kruger effect: " cognitive bias in which unskilled individuals suffer from illusory superiority, mistakenly rating their ability much higher than is accurate." This article from Psychology Today doesn't speak exactly to my rant or conclusion but is interesting reading nevertheless.
As to the owner of the Corolla, he called me two days after the accident and said that since the bump scratched his car in one spot, he was willing to settle for $50. I countered by suggesting that a cheque for $100 would be more reasonable. He was grateful and I mailed the cheque the next day.
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