Bigger, Better, Faster!

It never ceases to amaze and appall me how products which seem to be just about as perfect as anyone could make them, are miraculously "re-invented" every year. Products like men's razors, toothpaste and even toothbrushes.

The re-packaging and re-introduction of a basically good product is, I suppose, meant to create hysteria in the consumer. Hysteria leading to the expenditure of mass quantities of money. Or, as it may soon be called, Earth Credits. Why not, we've been calling "cash", money for so long. Really, isn't it time for a makeover?

Let me start with the razor: Gillette, a company that has been around for more than a century, has a new razor on the market -- The Gillette Fusion Power Phenom! How's that for marketing? Sign me up...whatever it is, sign me the hell up! Yes, yes. Give me a dozen. How did I ever do without it?

Depending on which unreliable website you choose to read, razors have been around for thousands of years. Research shows patent documents from as early as 1762. In 1901, the first flexible, disposable, double-edge blade was patented by K. C. Gillette. Yep, that Gillette.

I used to shave with a blue plastic handled disposable razor (made by Bic) with one blade. That's it. I found, as I became a more mature man that my shaving needs began to change. Oh yeah, one of those Gillette ads also showed me (maybe 10 years ago) that I could have a plastic handled razor which looked like a steel handled one; and this faux steel razor came with detachable blades which had not one, not two, but three elements, in its favour: Two blades and one glide strip. Wow! TWO BLADES! The first one lifts, while the second cleanly cuts the hair in the first's grip. And the glide strip lays on a thin layer of lubricant for a 'clean, smooth shave.' Up until this point, I had been quite happy with the blue plastic Bic razor. Not anymore. From this point onwards I began to use the Gillette Sensor Excel. Which, I should say, proved to be more economical than the old Bic razor because each blade seems to last way longer than the old disposables.

Just as a point of interest, the Gillette Sensor Excel was preceded by the Gillette Atra Plus. More recently, I gave the Schick Xtreme 3 a try. I received the Schick Xtreme 3 and a few extra blades (or cartridges) as part of a promotional package. The Xtreme 3 has three blades (thus the name) has a glide strip and an extra rubber strip for, oh, I don't know, accuracy I suppose. But it doesn't perform that much better than any of the other razors I have had. The handle on the Xtreme 3 does have a very space-agey, grooved, rubber handle...I suppose one could even call it ergonomically sensible.

So back to the Fusion Power Phenom...The Phenom has the following features to recommend it beyond the previous razors that Gillette has made. And remember, all those previous other razors were also highly recommended and evolution is a long, slow process, so men's needs (their hair, skin, etc) have not changed all that much. In fact, they haven't changed at all! Feature #1: Finger Pad (for precision shaving); Feature #2: A flexible comfort guard, which helps "the shaving surface of the razor to comfortably shave closer;" Feature #3: "5 blade shaving technology." Not just 5 blades, but "5 blade shaving technology!" Wow, weee!! Feature #4: Enhanced indicator lubricating strip; Feature #5: A precision trimmer which is another blade to get those hard to get corners; and lastly feature #6: Gillette Fusion cartridges.

Gillette itself says that the Fusion Power Phantom is better than it's predecessor the Mach 3 Turbo! Mach 3, that's 3 times faster than the speed of sound. That's, well, fast...really, really, fast. Probably the reason the Mach 3 was superceded by the Fusion Power Phantom is because too many men were injuring themselves with all that speed on the Mach 3. Shaving is a task best completed slowly I think.

So in a matter of decades, we have gone from one blade to two blades to the five blades of the Fusion Power Phantom. Hmm? Well, I'm sorry. When it comes to razors anyways, I am not for the changing. In fact, I am declaring here today that the razor was perfected back in the 1970's and needed no further improvements. There is only so much lube, lifting and cutting to be done on this old face.

Next week, I will riff on the toothpaste. And I promise that this next post will be the biggest, bestest, most well thought out, funniest, most artful post you have ever read on this here blog! Really!!