My Last 3 Weeks On Earth

Ladybug posted her answer to the following question: "If you were given three weeks to live, what would you do with your last remaining days on this earth....and you only had the money available to you now?"

Doh! Okay, not a lot of money. And, assuming that my family-- see pictures previously posted at this blog -- were taken care of, I would do the following, in exactly in this order:

1. Swear my head off, yell and scream, shit, F&%$#, son of a bitch, mo-fo, etc., etc.;
2. Talk to my wife and then the kids and make sure they understood that daddy is a dead man;
3. Tell my extended family and friends how much they mean to me -- not all that much really.
4. Clean out the current bank account (making sure not to take any of the retirement or house money) and go have a Big Mac combo all by myself. Nay, two Big Mac combos. Later, buy a pack of smokes (God, I miss cigarettes) and have a big friggin' glass of ice cold Coke.
5. Go back home and take a nap...all that Big Mac sauce usually makes me sleepy;
6. Oh yeah, sex...with pretty much anyone kind enough to listen to my sad tale of woe (definately female and preferably Julia Roberts like), not forgetting to hold a little back for the wife (I do love her so...but I am also gonna die, right?-- so shoot me, Marsh! I had sex with some other woman!! Big deal!! Ima gonna die!!!! Die, dammit!!!
7. Smoke break....ahhh.
8. Apply for instant credit card with a high limit.
9. Take a trip to India to see Bombay, uhh, Mumbai and then on to Tanzania (I was born there, don't you know)...paid with my new credit card.
10. Come back to Canada and take a canoe trip to Algonquin Park with the family.
11. Come back to Toronto and spend the rest of my days with the wife and kids. Long, luxurious days, full of food and drink and wrestling with the kids on the living room floor and swimming and camping in the backyard and making caves out of bedsheets and eating while sitting on the floor in front of the TV.

Post-script: Six weeks later my credit card bill arrives, I have left instructions with the wife to shred the damn thing as I will be 6 feet under and 3 weeks gone.

Leave a comment with your nifty ideas for your last days on this earth...or better yet, leave a link to your own post on this question on your blog.