Linda Carter Twirls and Transforms

Another delicious throwback. This time it is Linda Carter twirling,twirling, her way to justice as Wonder Woman. Love the theme song, the lasso sound effects and her not-very-authoritative "interrogation" of the bad guy.

Quicker Than The Human Eye

And what blog would be complete without the addition of the theme song and images from that wonderful Saturday morning show -- Hong Kong Phooey! Number-one-super-guy! Enjoy!

Korg 70,000 B.C.

What can I say, except that I was a sucker for Korg and his family of Neanderthals. Does anyone else remember watching this fine show on Saturday mornings. Is that a Shofar being blown? Whose Shofar was it, Mara's, Korg's or the other mouth breathers? Who knows and who cares! What a blast from the past!!

Gorilla Speaks To Mankind

I have just stumbled onto the funniest blog I have yet seen!

The blog, Japing Ape, is written by a Mr. Gorilla Bananas, a Lowland Gorilla by the looks of him, who writes from the Congo. This precocious little monkey (and let's not get into the whole monkey-gorilla debate) also gives credit to Dr. Larson Whipsnade, "my business partner and English tutor."

The Author's hobbies include eating, sleeping and mating. The blog is regularly commented on by some equally wacky characters such as Dr. E. Scientist, phD., Tarzan and Mynah Bird, to name just a few. The postings are funny, but the comments which follow guarantee one yuck after another.

Here's an excerpt:

Why this blog?
Warmest Greetings to all my naked little primate cousins in cyberspace. Let me introduce myself. I am a mature male gorilla who mis-spent many years of his youth with a travelling circus, performing tricks for your kiddies and pulling rude faces at your grannies. Although the work was as boring as hell, it gave me the chance to observe closely what you big-headed ape-men call “civilization”. Don’t get wrong. I am no enemy of your species and have many human friends whom I visit from time to time. My only wish is to offer you some friendly advice from an outside perspective. Like when you humans pay someone you don’t know to listen to all your personal problems and tell you it’s not your fault because someone groped you when you were a child. Only in this case it’s free. A gorilla with a harem and an unlimited supply of fruit and veg has no need for money.

Now, what is the problem with your lives? Well, it seems to me, my hairless little chums, that you have lost touch with reality. Instead of living, you talk about living, and even talk about people who do nothing but talk about living. A lot of you, for example, spend hours and hours reading story books. Now the stories may be full of action, with fighting, and mating, and fighting about mating. But reading about this stuff is no substitute for actually doing it. If you were really doing what you were reading about, there would be NO NEED to read about it! Reading about it is just a way of imagining you are doing it when you’re not! All this unreality leads to what you humans call the “stress of modern living”. But I call it the “DISTRESS of modern living”. You skulk about with long faces, repressing the universal primate instinct to dance from place to place while shaking your backsides and fondling each other. We hairy apes have an unkind description for you: UPRIGHT AND UPTIGHT.

So the aim of this blog is to help you to unwind and laugh at yourselves. And if my efforts in this direction cause just one of you to loosen up and discover the inner ape struggling to get out, it will all have been worthwhile.

Pull Your Pants Up!

On December 27, 2007, a family of six people were arrested at a mall in Wellington, according to the Palm Beach Post.

Six members of a family were arrested at The Mall at Wellington Green in an incident that began benignly enough over a pair of droopy jeans but ended like a chaotic scene out of the Cops TV show.

An estimated 20 deputies, two canine units and a police helicopter swarmed the area surrounding the mall's food court, shutting down roads, all to arrest a 52-year-old man, his 50-year-old wife and four other relatives, ages 16 to 20, Thursday evening.

The fracas began around 7 p.m. Thursday when deputies arrested Frantz Leger, the Legers' 20-year-old son. He had returned to the mall where he was banned for violating its "Rules of Common Courtesy" on or around August. The Florida State University sophomore business major was verboten for wearing his pants too low.

"I know I'm not a criminal just because my pants are too low below your expectations," Frantz Leger said from his Wiltshire Village home Saturday.

"The mall doesn't put up with that tomfoolery bullcrap," (Palm Beach County sheriff's Lt. Jay Hart said). "His pants were down below his butt. No one goes to the mall and wants to see the crack of someone's butt."

Right On!

Seth and Abbas

Frank Herbert Speaks To Me

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when my fear is gone I will turn and face fear's path, and only I will remain."

Fatema's Wedding Pictures

Fatema and Tarah at the Mehndi Party.


Tarah and her mom at the Mehndi Party.


Fatema all dolled up.


The groom, Mansoor, all dolled up.


Tarah posing with the newlyweds.


My family with the newlyweds.


Seth and Tarah in traditional garb at the mosque.


Seth and Shabhir get reacquainted at the reception.


My sister, Rehana with the wife (Marsh) and the kids.


Haji Husein-Bhai Paryani and Nuru-bai Paryani at the reception.

Rehana and my nephew, Shabhir at the reception.

Shuddap!

I am tired of people talking for too long. Can't you fucking see I'm bored.

Fatema Gets Married

My blog would be incomplete without mentioning that my niece and friend, Fatema, is getting married tomorrow.

Fatema was raised in a Khoja Shia-Ithnasheri Muslim family and is marrying a Khoja Sunni Muslim. Crime of crimes!! And in attendance will be a Khoja Shia-Ithnasheri man married to a WASPy-Canadian woman. And, myself (born a Tanzanian, a Canadian by naturalization, raised a Shia-Ithnasheri, and culturally a Gujarathi Indian)married to a Christian Black woman. And, as if all this doesn't make my point, there will also be a man (Indian, Khoja Shia-Itnasheri) who is married to a Jewish woman. And only God knows how many other subtler permutations of the different strands of humanity will be present.

Suffice to say, all marriages are mixed. What matters is the bond between two people and the commitment to overlook our differences and revel in our commonality: The need for love, acceptance, growth and encouragement.

So shine on you shiny diamnonds! Grow on and live! Change your mind later if it suits you at that time! It's good! It's all good! Fill your lungs with air and jump!

Rest Your Eyes

Open Letter To Johnny R.

I am currently in the middle of a bout of food poisoning which is 99% likely the result of eating luke warm chicken from Swiss Chalet.

In response John Wrote: "Are you serious? First Conrad Black and now this?! Please don't tell me that one of my last, great Canadian institutions is collapsing. There is so little else for me to look forward to when I visit."

My reply to John's reminiscing follows:

This is only my second brush with the Chicken Death. Seven years ago I enjoyed a wonderful meal (Quarter-chicken-dinner (white meat) with fries....and that gravy....yum yum!) on a summer afternoon in a park. And the very next day...as you used to say, "nausea, nausea, puke, puke."

I must have shit myself at least 16-17 times in a matter of a few hours. And while I sat (or should I say shat) I also puked into a bucket. My knees were sore from resting my elbows while I sat on my seat and held my head in my hands and my back and stomach muscles were so tight I had to have a narcotic at North York General Hospital to relieve the pain. Which, by the way, I happened to have gotten to in an ambulance.

Fucking Swiss Chalet!

By the way, the Festive Special is on again and they are offering Lindt chocolates instead of Toblerone. I believe Lindt is Swiss for stool softener.

Birdy Num-Num

Doddering Old Aunt Jessie

Thought this was funny and wanted to share. Lifted it from OCHLOCRATIC OSCULATION.

Then again, unseasonable weather shouldn't always be chalked up to climate change. Maybe it was just an unusually warm November; after all, when you blame every quirk of weather on carbon emissions, the argument loses is punch over time. Scientists get pissed when people hysterically shout "Katrina! Katrina! Global warming!", and then don't do a damn thing.

Still. It's a lot like having an aging relative who may or may not be entering a state of dementia. When your doddering old Aunt Jessie forgets to pick up the pickle loaf at the store, maybe it just slipped her mind. Maybe it's just her eccentric personality (it was always eccentric, remember?). But, it's hard not to interpret every previously innocuous quirk of behavior -- every too-temperate fall day -- as ominous signs of imminent Alzheimer's.

Now imagine that once dementia DOES kick in for Aunt Jessie, she's going to trigger regional wars, cause massive famines, and permanently destroy entire ecosystems. Easy there, Aunt Jessie!

Also, go read this: Crazy Aunt Purl. Her tag line is, "The true-life diary of a thirty-something, newly divorced, displaced Southern obsessive-compulsive knitter who has four cats. (Because nothing is sexier than a divorced woman with four cats)." Å published author too!

Honour God - Kill A Daughter!

Muhammad Parvez, 57, is to appear in a Brampton court today after being arrested for strangling his 16 year old daughter for wanting to cast off her scarf.

The Prophet's (PBUH) namesake was unhappy with his daughter for wanting to dress in western-style clothing. That is, without a scarf covering her head. At the risk of wading into an endless, he-said-she-said, argument about Quranic texts, it is sad to see believers of Islam conveniently forgetting the words of the Prophet Mohammed (PBUH): "Ask for the verdict of your conscience and discard what pricks it." Or the forgeting of one of the pillars of Islamic jurisprudence, namely, Aql (reason).

In an online article at Islam for Today, Ibrahim B. Syed, has written a lengthy overview of the origins of the purdah/hijab/chador.  Syed writes, "In the matter of hijab, the conscience of an honest, sincere Believer alone can be the true judge."

Recall your Quran: “There is no compulsion acceptable in religion. The truth and falsehood had been made distinct from one another.” (al-Baqarah 2:256). "Let him who wants to believe, believe; and let him who wants to deny, deny” (al-Kahf 18:29)

Ostensibly, Muhammad Parvez killed his daughter in order to preserve the honour of his family and protect his religion. Surely, it wasn't to protect God from the act of a young girl not wearing a scarf? Preserving the honour of the family would be the only reason to kill a female of any household. Which makes one wonder, in God's mind, which is more un-Islamic: to discard one's  hijab or to kill your own daughter?

I propose, with tongue firmly in cheek, that it is every self respecting Muslims duty to kill every person (man or woman) who they come across who, once told of their proper and Isamic obligations, refuses to adhere by Islamic norms. That's right, Karim, don that knapsack, fill it with whatever weapons you can gather and walk to the nearest mall. Explain the religion of Islam and if your audience does not see the light - Kaboom! In the name of all that is holy - Kaboom! Better that no one should live than they dress inappropriately

Just don't forget that there are two branches of Islam and within those two branches are sub-sects, and those sub-sects further divide down lines of ethnicity. And those ethnicities (let's say Indian) are then known by their particular regional identities (Gujurathis) who are then further divided into smaller groupings (Khojas) and on and on.  All these divisions can not all be right at the same time.

There are four main branches of jurisprudence in Sunni Islam -- Maliki, Hanafi, Sha'fi'i, and Hanbali schools.  In Shia Islam, I believe there are two.  Which side do you fall on?  Pick one at random as your own.  Now, are the other schools of thinking wrong?  Of course, they are.  Kaboom!

Pretty soon, you and your very particular brand of Islam will be the only ones standing.  Yes. Because you killed every one else off -- they were wrong and you were right.  And one Kaboom! led to another.

Unfortunately, after killing everyone else who was not exactly like you, your sons and daughters and your extended family now have no one to marry without the dishonour of incest. Thus, your clan dies off.  And you allow the extinction to occur because it is your ultimate show of piety.  You have finally shown God that you are indeed a good Muslim.

Congratulations, you provincal, myopic, parochial, moron!